“You sure you’re cool with this?” he said.
She was reaching back across to the center console and didn’t say anything until she stood and swung the driver side car door shut. She looked at him and her eyes sparkled, her mouth curled with mischief.
“It’ll be fun.” she said.
He watched her as she tucked her dark hair behind her ear and adjusted her top. There was a hint of onion on the warm autumn breeze. Cam pulled a can of PBR from the box in his right hand, cracked it open with his front teeth and turned toward the apartment.
“Let’s do this.” he said.
She walked next to him as they crossed the lawn, curling her arm inside of his and setting her head against his shoulder. He gave her arm a squeeze and chugged the beer.
“I guess I’m driving then, huh?” she teased, looking up at him. He nodded his head and crumpled the empty can.
“You wouldn’t dare let me drive Daddy’s Benz.” he mocked.
She laughed and winked at him. “Oh, whatever. You drive it all the time.”
Cam dropped the empty can back into the box and knocked on the front door. He could hear the muffled sounds of conversation coming from inside. He had to knock again before the door finally swung open and his old roommate was standing in front of him, holding a fifth of Jack and laughing.
“Steven.” Cam said.
“Cameron. Rachel.” his friend said, mimicking his formal tone. “Welcome to another Tuesday night in paradise!”
“Stevo!” Rachel said. She laughed and leaned in to give him a hug. Cam followed her through the door and into the kitchen. His friend shut the door behind him and offered up the bottle of whiskey. Cam smiled and raised his case of PBR.
“OK, hand one over then.” Stevo said. “Probably about time to switch out from the hard stuff anyway.” he said.
As usual, the apartment was packed. Stevo, his girlfriend and three other guys that Cam recognized from intramural soccer stood around the kitchen.
“What’s up, Cam.” one of them nodded. “You got an extra beer?”
Cam smiled as he walked to the fridge. “Fo sho.” he said, handing over a beer.
Stevo’s fridge was empty except for a bottle of ketchup, Tapitio and three different cases of beer. Cam shook his head, grabbed another beer and leaned back against an open spot on the kitchen counter. There were half a dozen faces, all that he recognized, sitting in the living room. Sam and Jonathan sat in their typical spots on the couch, duking it out on the X-Box. From what he could hear of it, the level of trash talk between the two players was already at a seven or eight of ten this evening. An audience always helped to fuel their video game rivalry.
“Hey friend.” said Courtney, bringing Cam’s attention back to the kitchen. Courtney sat on the countertop next to Stevo. “How have you been?” she said.
He looked at her and smiled. “Can’t complain.” he said. “I’ve been working a lot lately. It’s a good thing I’m only taking the one class this semester.”
“Cool.” she said. “How are you and Rachel doing?”
She grinned and nodded in the direction of the living room where Rachel had just sat down next to a guy she knew from her pre-med classes named Chase. Everyone in the kitchen turned and looked in their direction.
“I hate that fucker.” said one of the guys from soccer. “He’s such a tool.”
Cam nodded but didn‘t say anything. He watched Rachel lean on her knee as Chase talked. She laughed at something he said, reached over and squeezed his leg playfully. Her eyes twinkled and Cam remembered seeing the same look a few minutes ago outside.
“You two are still hanging out, right?” Stevo said. Cam Shrugged.
“It is what it is.” he said, looking back to his friend.
Stevo, Courtney and the guys from soccer all nodded. They drank quietly until Stevo stood up from the counter, dropped back to pass and hurled his empty beer can at the direction of the kitchen sink.
“Hun! You can’t take three steps and throw it in the trash?” said Courtney. “That’s so gross.”
Stevo laughed and pulled out a crushed pack of Camel Wides from his cargo shorts.
“Cam, join me for a smoke?” he said.
Cam finished his beer, crumpled the can and walked over to the trash can on the other side of the kitchen.
“Thank you!” said Courtney. Stevo laughed again.
“C’mon, Cam.” he said, handing his friend a cigarette as he opened the door. Cam smiled, took the cigarette and followed his friend out the front door. He did not look back at the living room.
-----------------------------------------------------
The two friends returned to the kitchen and on cue, Stevo tossed his empty cigarette pack at the sink. His indignant smile lessened though when he realized Courtney was no longer in the room. It was quickly replaced by a look of pure joy, Cam noticed, when Stevo recognized the familiar smell of marijuana smoke wafting from the back bedroom.
“I believe that duty calls.” he said, motioning for Cam to join him.
“Be right there.” Cam said.
The kitchen was empty now. The living room crowd had thinned also. The X-Box rivalry had been put on hold and only a couple guys remained – neither of them talking as they sat in the corner and sipped their drinks. Cam pulled a fresh beer from the fridge, stuffed it in his cargo pocket and grabbed another one as well. He could hear a chant building from the back bedroom, “suck, suck, suck…”
-----------------------------------------------------
Cam had to turn his shoulders to walk through the crowd spilling out of the bedroom doorway. The room was covered with a layer of blue smoke. A hookah stood center stage on a small coffee table next to Stevo’s bed. The “suck” chant was peaking as Cam spotted Rachel, with both hands wrapped around the hookah hose, taking a long, deep hit. Chase sat next to her on the bed. He was leaning over the coffee table with a lighter – roasting the bowl as Rachel took in the hit.
“Damn!” Someone yelled. “This girl is a born natural.”
Cam sipped his beer and watched from just inside the doorway. Finally Rachel pulled away from the hose, handing it off to Jonathan who sat beside her.
“Hold in that shit.” Chase said to her.
She held her breath for a couple seconds before coughing out a large cloud of smoke. Her audience cheered on the coughing fit as she curled her body forward, tears pooling in the corner of her eyes and then running down her cheeks. Once the coughing dissipated, Rachel sat up straight and rubbed her cheeks dry.
“How did that feel?” Jonathan asked her.
She didn’t respond. Instead she stared ahead blankly as her head wobbled slowly side to side. Then she threw her hands out wide and freefell back onto the bed behind her with a smile. The room erupted in cheers. Chase leaned back on the bed next to her. Cam turned and shouldered his way back out the door. It wasn’t until he was sitting on the step out front the apartment that the cheers faded to the sound of crickets.
-----------------------------------------------------
Cam was half way through another beer when Stevo opened the apartment door and joined him out front on the step.
“Yo, Cam.” He said, nudging Cam’s shoulder with the back of his hand. Cam looked up at his friend.
“What up?” He said.
“You might want to check on Rachel.” Stevo said.
“Yeah?” Cam said.
“Yeah.” Stevo said. “She’s freaking out pretty hardcore.” He said.
Cam pushed himself to his feet and handed his friend his half empty beer. Stevo shook his head.
“Has she smoked before?” he asked.
“Just once.” Cam said.
“Damn.” Stevo said. “That’s no bueno.”
Cam nodded as he pushed past Stevo and through the front door. Sam met him in the kitchen. He pointed down the hall.
“She’s in the bathroom.” He said. “Got the door locked. Wouldn’t let me in.” He said.
Cam walked down the hall and stopped at the bathroom door. There was still a crowd in the bedroom and a couple guys turned back toward him and watched as he knocked once on the bathroom door. He leaned in close and then knocked again, softly.
“Hey.” He said. “It’s me.” There was no response. “C’mon, let me in.” He said.
The door knob turned and the door cracked open. Cam opened it just enough to slip through and then latched and locked it again behind him.
Rachel sat on the floor, her back resting against a draped towel that hung on the bathroom wall. Her knees were pulled tightly against her chest. Her eyes were wide, with tears smeared across her face. Her breath was near hyperventilation as she rocked back and forth. She did not look up at him as he settled down on the floor next to her. Her eyes were fixated on something far away, something far beyond the physical boundaries of the small apartment bathroom. Cam sat beside her in silence for a moment. After a bit her breathing began to slow.
“Do you hate me?” She asked him, her gaze still locked in front of her. Cam reached out and took her hand in his lap.
“Of course not.” He said. Rachel nodded her head.
“They hate me.” She said.
“The guys?” Cam said. “They don’t hate you, ‘Rach.’” He said.
“Not them.” She said. “Them.” She nodded her head toward something in front of them. Cam looked back to her.
“Who are you talking about?” He said. She nodded again.
“My family.” She said. “They’re watching me.” Cam squeezed her hand.
“It’s going to be Ok.” He said.
“Why won’t they talk to me?” Rachel said. “They’re so far away. Why can’t I be with them? Why are they so far away?” She said. Her breath began to shorten again in panic.
“Why won’t they let me go to them? Why can’t I stand in the light, with them, in the light?” She said.
“’Rach,’ calm down. It’s going to be Ok.” Cam said.
He was holding her hand tightly now with both of his. He pictured her family standing in a white light, out beyond some dark void. He pictured her father and his strong handshake, her mother’s guarded smile, her older sister’s shy waive, her younger sister’s warm hug…
“It isn’t real.” He said. “You just need to relax. Don’t fight it. Just relax.”
He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her in against his chest. She didn’t fight, letting her head rest against him. Her gaze remained fixated ahead but her breathing began to slow once more. They sat there together in silence for several minutes.
“Do they love me?” Rachel said. Cam squeezed her shoulder.
“Yes.” He said. “They love you very much.”
“How do you know?” She said blankly.
“How could they not.” He said.
They were quiet again for several minutes. Outside the bathroom, Cam could hear the party move back to the living room, the X-Box rivalry resume. At one point there was a knock on the bathroom door. Cam and Rachel sat together in silence. Finally someone yelled from the kitchen, “just piss off the back patio, dude.” Finally, Rachel looked up at Cam. He smiled at her. She searched his face for a moment and then turned away.
"Do you love me?" She said. He didn’t answer right away. She waited quietly.
“Yes.” He said.
“Are you lying?” She said.
"Does it matter?" He said.
After a moment she looked back up to him. "Yes." She said. "It does matter."
He kissed the top of her head. "Then no, I'm not lying. I do love you." He said. They were both quiet for several minutes.
“I want to go home.” She said.
“Then let’s go home.” He said.
After twenty more minutes had passed with neither of them moving, neither of them speaking, Cam and Rachel finally pulled each other up from the bathroom floor and went home.
-----------------------------------------------------
When they were standing in the middle of Rachel’s bedroom, a floor lamp softly illuminating a dozen stuffed pigs piled beside them on top of her feather-top bed cover, Cam pulled her into a hug. She hugged him back, wrapping her arms around his waist.“Thank you.” She said. “Thank you for tonight.” She leaned up and kissed him softly.
“You’re welcome.” He said.
“Will you stay with me tonight?” She said.
“Of course.” He said.
He helped her out of her clothes and into her pajamas. While she brushed her teeth Cam cleared off the pigs and the pillows. Then he helped her climb into the far side of her bed, against the wall. Shedding his shorts and tee-shirt, he then turned off the bedroom floor lamp and climbed into her bed next to her. She cuddled up to him as he lay on his back. With her arm draped across his bare chest, Rachel slipped into sleep.
While she slept, Cam stared at the darkness that filled the bedroom. He pictured his own family and thought about what Rachel had said. Sometime later, when she rolled over in her sleep – turning her back to him – Cam quietly slipped out from under her feather-top comforter. In the darkness he retrieved his shorts and tee-shirt before letting himself out through her bedroom door. In the bathroom he pulled up his shorts and slipped into his shirt. Once dressed, he paused and looked at the mirror. On the shelf below the mirror sat three items, and Cam looked at them carefully. In the end, he decided to take two of the items but leave the third. With a sigh, Cam stuck the cigarette between his lips… put the keys to her Mercedes in his pocket… left his toothbrush sitting on the shelf… flipped off the bathroom light and headed to meet the guys at the bar.
-----------------------------------------------------
0 comments:
Post a Comment